15 Times a Divorce Got Ugly

15 Times a Divorce Got Ugly 1 Death by Wood Chipper A good friend would do anything they could to keep your mind off your recent divorce and just make sure you enjoy yourself as much as you can. A BEST friend would bake you a “Happy Divorce” cake complete with an elaborate icing decoration of a bride pushing the groom into a wood chipper! 2 No Hard Feelings We’ve all heard this joke before. It’s an oldie but a goodie. In case you’re a little behind on the times, she’s not suggesting that she’s seriously just come out of a very dramatic and life-threatening surgical procedure to remove a massive tumour… she’s implying that her husband was a cancer growing inside her! Ouch… 3 WAS HIS… NOW IT’S MINE This lady has got no problems with admitting the fact that she “stole” this Mercedes off her ex-husband in the divorce, presumably leaving him with nothing but a push-bike to get around on. The license plate says it all – it WAS his, but now it’s mine… and I bring dates home in it too, just for extra satisfaction. 4 Divorce Sale: Everything Must Go! This is similar to the garage sale from a few slides back, only way higher profile. This shop owner is actually using his divorce as a way to increase business and attract more profit! What a disgusting and yet ingenious idea! It looks to be working, as well – there are plenty of people peeking in the windows! 5 Position Open This guy would just like to let all female drivers on the road know that he is in fact recently divorced with kids, and that there is a position going as stepmother if any desperate lady out there would like to send in a resume with her past experience, qualifications and references clearly stated. 6 Icy Hot Vibrator Just casually slipped in the middle of the other incidents from the night before: a husband puts “Icy Hot” on his wife’s vibrator and now they are getting divorced! Why would he do such a thing? Surely he must have been seeking a divorce already and this just seemed like the quickest, easiest way to get the ball rolling, right? 7 Must Sell, Lawyer Wants Money Well that escalated quickly! This guy goes from discussing the many positive characteristics of his bike to the many negative aspects of his life in about a split-second! So he was married, but had a girlfriend on the side, and she got pregnant, now he’s got a kid on the way, and he has to deal with the divorce, requiring a lawyer, hence the money for the bike. Jeez… and you think your life sucks because you had to work late last Friday! 8 Freshly Signed Divorce Papers Ah, that freshly signed divorce paper smell… Someone actually found it necessary to create a line of scented candles that claim to smell of this aroma! I wasn’t aware that freshly signed divorce papers had their own smell. Then again, I’ve never been divorced. They say you smell burnt toast right before you have a stroke – maybe with divorce you smell roses and other beautiful aromas. 9 Divorce Yard Sale Well, here we go – an impromptu divorce garage sale where everything valuable needs to be gone before the wife gets home. You know what that means: bargains! If I saw this sign I wouldn’t be standing around taking photos of it to upload onto the Internet. I’d be heading to the sale as fast as possible! 10 Just Divorced! This guy is more than happy to advertise to the world that he is recently divorced, and has even helped people make sense of it all by making diagrams underneath that highlight what exactly a divorce means for him – no money, no house, no golf, but also no dinners with the in-laws, no nagging, etc. 11 Should’ve Hired a Divorce Lawyer This unfortunate man had the bright idea that he would represent himself in the divorce. As it turns out, that’s not such a bright idea when your wife decides she’s taking everything she can get her hands on. Now this guy likes like Shrek, only worse. At least he had a swamp house! 12 Paintball Wedding Dress This is the coolest thing an ex-husband has ever done post-divorce. She really should’ve cleared all of her prized possessions out of the house before the settlement was over because he’s sure having fun with her soon-to-be-trashed wedding dress! It’s a shame, too – she could’ve worn it at her next wedding. 13 The House & The Truck Well, here you go honey: the house AND the truck, all wrapped up in a neat bow for you. You wanted them together, right? This is the ex-husband’s idea of together – ploughing the truck as far into the side of the house as he can imagine. Ironically, the truck is a Dodge… but the house didn’t manage to dodge it. 14 Half of Everything You know how they say when you get divorced, the ex-wife gets half? They’re not kidding – she will literally get half of everything, from the house right down to the dryer. Now neither of them can dry their clothes! We have two newly divorced and unhappy people wearing damp clothes! 15 I Now Pronounce You… Divorced No sooner has this guy signed the marriage license than he’s going to be signing the divorce papers, seeing how his new bride has just caught him grabbing one of her bridesmaids’ bums. You would think he’d already know this but you can’t grab other girls’ bums once you’re married… it’s kind of an unspoken rule.

14 Half of Everything

Murtaza Rangwala

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