OMG! Karan Johar leaving Mumbai.

Karan Johar is one of the few celebrities who can be seen getting along well with his colleagues. This multi-hyphenate is a producer, director, TV show judge, actor, TV show host and columnist all rolled into one. It is difficult to see him as one nailed by depression. It was shocking when Karan Johar told Barkha Dutt in an interview on Sunday that he has struggled with clinical depression in the past. Check out he said about what caused his depression and how he managed to win against the mental illness. Talking about his despair then, Karan Johar said, “I felt helpless, unhappy and sad during the depression. I wanted to get on a flight and always leaving the city. I wanted to walk on the streets of other cities, with nothing to say to anyone. I didn't want to get out of my bed of my hotel room. I wasn't being able to share this with anyone. It was a very dark, deep and helpless time.” Karan Johar said about the probable cause of depression: “At 44, when you are lonely and not in a relationship, you wonder what your life is going to be and all the success you might get and all the love and attention you get, where does that go? When you don’t have that love to share with somebody, it gets you worried.” Karan Johar said about being a celeb and facing depression: “You feel lonely. The industry should not be generalised for the reason of your loneliness. You really wonder how many of your relationship matter and how many don't. Sometimes the lines are very blurred in the industry. We live in this small bubble all the time as we talk film, sleep film and eat films. During filmmaking, you build emotions and relationships with people. And then you wonder if those emotions are for the film or will you take those even when you are not together. Karan Johar said his anxiety attacks felt like a cardiac arrest: “There was a phase in my life where I was really depressed. I thought it was something to with me getting a cardiac arrest. I felt it in the middle of a meeting two and half years ago, after which I left the meeting in between saying I have something urgent to do and rushed to the doctor. He then said I am having an anxiety attack. I went to a psychologist post that. Then I realised that I had some internal issues to deal with, which got built up to such point that it resulted in anxiety.” Karan Johar said about medication: “I went through a series of anti-anxiety medication for it. A year and a half post that, when I stopped it, I realised that I am in a much better place. Today I actually feel the emotion of excitement and happiness. When you go through it, you stop feeling that zing of emotion. You stop feeling happiness. Karan Johar on how a lack of love was really bothering him: “Those sessions (medication) made a big difference to me. During those sessions, we touched on many things of my life. I felt that I did not deal entirely with the loss of my father, though it’s been 11or 12 years, I felt the pain and hurt of certain relationships that had dwindled from my life and I was carrying all that baggage. And the fear of future, the fear that I was not being able to find a life partner. At one point the lack of love in my life was really bothering me. Today I feel a lot more free of it. I feel there are loads of other things to look forward to.

Murtaza Rangwala

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